My First Christmas
by Valamon
Summary: Laika's first Christmas on Earth with her new family, in diary mode. Valamon and Beelzemon got married, thanks to Sweetie just so you know. Oneshot. You have to read Triple Team Strike to get the picture with this story since it comes afterwards.


My First Christmas

Hello my name is Laika but, in this story everyone knows me as Sweetie. I'm 18 years old now but, my story takes place back when I was 2, since I have a never-ending memory, I can tell it like it was yesterday.

I of course am not normal from any girl on this planet. And, it's not just because I have 3 hearts, 4 lungs, 1 kidney, and turquoise blood. I also live in a very strange household with weird parents, weird friends, a weird brother, a weird pet and of course my brother's evil girlfriend who is now his wife and of course my weird twin niece and nephew who are their children. Since this was my first Christmas on Earth with my new adopted parents, my mom wanted to make it extra special. Unfortunately Ai and Mako couldn't make it due to them spending time with their family but Kiari could make it since her dad's never around, always working. Let's just say this Christmas was…extra special all right, but not like Mom planned.

My mom was in the kitchen cooking up dinner and making cookies while Hedgie, my weird 'pet' hedgehog was trying to…eat the table, really.

"This wooden table is so inedible, what is it made out of wood?" he said in his Scottish accented squeaky language that only I could understand.

"Well, that would be udderly swurpwising if it was made out of wood, wouldn't it mommy?" I asked Mom.

"Yes it would." Mom said sarcastically with a small sigh.

"Don't mock me, woman!" Hedgie said.

"Hedgie said not to mock him." I translated for the hedgehog.

"Oh, sorry, Hedgie. Wanna cookie?" Mom asked, holding out a cookie to Hedgie.

"COOKIE!!" I screamed, lunging for the cookie. (How embarrassing).

Mom pulled her hand away just as I was about to get it and I fell flat on my face, which was the embarrassing part.

"No, no, Sweetie." Mom scolded me gently as she handed the cookie to Hedgie.

Dad, having heard the loud crash and, being as overprotective as any parent could be, rushed into the room and picked me up. "Sweetie, honey, you Ok?! You aren't hurt, are ya? Are you dead? 'Course not. Is it's the hamster's fault?"

"I'm not a fucking hamster!" Hedgie squeaked angrily, shaking his tiny fist at Dad. "I'm a freakin' hedgehog! Git it right you son of a bitch!" The hedgehog had a very colorful vocabulary, especially towards Daddy.

I translated sweetly, word for word.

Dad stared at me, looking a tad mad.

"I'm just twanslatin'!" I cried.

"But it's true ya sissy man!"

Dad shot a frosty glare at Hedgie, as if he knew what Hedgie was saying.

Just then there was a knock at the door.

"I git it!" I said, trying to get out of Dad's grasp.

"'Sup, dudes!" Kiari said as she walked into the room.

"_Ohhhh_, not her again!" Dad groaned, rolling his eyes.

"Beelzemon, can you get the cookies out of the oven for me?" Mom asked Dad as she walked out of the room to help Kiari with taking off her coat and put it up.

"Sure. Doesn't mean ya can eat 'em yet." Dad warned as he walked over to the oven, looking down at me.

"Pweety pweeze?" I begged, giving him my best puppy dog eyes.

He grinned. "Damn! Ya get me every time! Well, sure. But they're gonna be real hot."

"Yesh, Daddy." I said as I reached down to pick up one of the cookies as Dad pulled out the tray without using an oven mitt.

The heat from the tray heated up the metal on Dad's glove so that he had to put it down on the stove top before yelping in pain. "Yeooww! That's freaking hot!" He waved his hand to cool it off.

I picked up a cookie and bit into it happily. "Don't seem hot ta me." I said around a mouthful.

"Huh?" Dad asked, puzzled. "Weird."

"Sweetie, Beelzemon! Come in here, please."

"What?"

"Better get in here before Kiari opens all the presents."

"NO!!!" Dere cried.

"Never mind."

"I'm done!" Kiari cried.

"That ain't fair!" Dere sobbed.

"Uh-huh. Youngest get to tear open presents first. Then the older ones get ta." Kiari explained to the close to tears Dere.

"Why?" Mom asked.

"To make it easier on us youngest since we were the only ones who're usually trampled on…our planet…."

"Uhh…Ok. You can finish tearing open the presents now…." Mom said.

"I already finished. But you can smash the ornaments since yer the oldest."  
"NO!!!" Dere screamed. He didn't like things to be dirty in any way.

"No. I didn't buy those ornaments just to break them."

"B-but it's tradition!" Kiari sobbed.

"Oh, don't cry!" Mom begged, kneeling down beside Kiari.

"So you'll smash all the ornaments?" Kiari asked hopefully, looking up at Mom.

Mom sighed and shook her head. "How 'bout cookies instead?"

"COOKIES!!!!" I screamed. "COOKIES, COOKIES, COOKIES!!!!" Dad had to tighten his hold on me to keep me from falling.

"Dang! Hold still!"

"NOOOO!!!! ME WANT COOKIE!!"

"COOOKIIIEEESSS!!!" Hedgie cried from the kitchen.

"Stop the hamster!" Dad cried.

"I'm not a hamsaaaaahhhhh!! OOWWWWW IT HOOOTTTT!!"

"Siwwy Hedgie." I said, giggling.

Mom rescued the cookies and put a piece of ice on Hedgie's burnt paw. He sighed and sucked on the ice cube.

As we ate cookies Mom gathered up the opened presents and handed them to their owners.

Dad had made sure to hide the presents he bought in the tree. He was handing them out to everyone. The first was Hedgie.

"Here ya go, ya little furball." he said as he handed a small box wrapped in green and red paper to Hedgie.

"Huh?" Hedgie looked up at Dad, puzzled. He took the box and examined it suspiciously. "Is it a bomb, poison, no a deadly trap that's gonna kill me?"

"Open it already!"

"Okay, okay!" Hedgie carefully tore off the paper and opened it. He gasped and looked up at Dad, tears shimmering in his eyes. "A kilt and bagpipes! How'd ya know?"

"Sweetie, what did he say?" Dad asked me so I translated. "Oh! Well, lucky guess that's all. Eh?" He looked down at Hedgie, who was hugging his hand, wearing the kilt.

Then he started playing "Jingle Bells" on the bagpipes as he danced around on Dad's leg. That got everybody laughing, even Hatred, Dere's evil girlfriend. I mean who wouldn't? It's a little purple dyed hedgehog wearing a kilt and dancing as he played on mini bagpipes.

Dad set Hedgie on the coffee table to continue with his playing so that he could stand. He handed Mom a rectangular box wrapped with newspaper.

"What a thoughtful way to wrap my present." said Mom in a laughing tone.

"Err...just open it, dear." Dad said, blushing slightly with embarrassment.

Mom opened the box to find the one thing she's been dying for all year, a dragon portrait she saw in the window of a pawnshop one day while shopping with Dad. She wanted it so badly since it was a near spitting image of her while fused with her dragon Catastrophe.

"Oh honey, thank you! It's just what I wanted!" Mom cried, throwing her arms around him in a bear hug.

He grunted and grinned lopsidedly. "Yer welcome. Now leggo!"

"Sorry." Mom let go of him and sat down to admire her picture.

Dad walked over to where I was sitting nibbling a cookie next to Kiari on the floor. He held out a small box wrapped in red paper with cookie designs. "Here, Sweetie."

"Oooooh, what is it?"

"Open it." Dad urged.

I tore off the wrapping paper to reveal an Easy Bake Oven box. "It's a…it's a-what is it? I can't read."

"It's an oven, so ya don't haveta ask yer mom ta cook."

"But it says parental guidance advised." I said, reading the small warning label.

"It says it's 'advised' don't mean ya have to."

"Actually, yes it does." Mother said, looking over at us.

Dad rolled his eyes and sat down beside her on the couch. "Aw, come on Crysta. You take the fun outta everything."

"No I don't." Mom retorted, setting her portrait on the coffee table.

"Yes ya do!"

"No I don't!"

"Ya huh!"

Mother shoved him hard. "Stop that!"

"Hey!" Dad cried as he toppled off the couch and in a heap on the floor.

"Oh, honey! You alright? I'm sorry." Mom said, looking down at Dad.

I crawled onto Dad's chest and peered down at him. "Hehe, busted."

He stuck his tongue out at me so I grabbed it. It was funny to see him flailing about trying to get me to let go.

Mom had to rescue him before Hedgie got a hold of his lip.

"I've got it this time! Ohhh, dang!" He pouted as Mom set him on the table.

Dad got to his feet, me in his arms. "You little brat!" He grinned and ruffled my hair.

I giggled.

Mom leaned up and kissed Dad's cheek then kissed mine. "You two are trouble makers, ya know that?"

Dad smirked. "But we're your trouble makers, right Sweetie?"

"Yep."

Dad hugged me before setting me down in the chair for dinner. But Kiari couldn't eat dinner since she ate all the cookies on the tray and was much too full.

"Ooohhhh. Can't eat another bite. Okay maybe another cookie."

"There are no more." Mom said.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Hedgie and I screamed simultaneously.

"I'm making brownies." Mom said.

"Brownies!!!! I can eat more a dat. Gimme 1, no 2, n-n-no 3 yeah 3." said Kiari, fat as an alien can be.

"Well," Mom said, looking up at the clock on the wall. "It'll take about 20 minutes."

"NO!!!!" Hedgie wailed, sinking to his knees.

"Oh, you poor little hedgehog." Mom cooed, kissing his nose.

"Oooooh!" Hedgie giggled, blushing lightly.

"Hey!" Dad said, folding his arms. "Stupid hamster gets all the attention." he grumbled, glaring at Hedgie.

"I'm not a freakin' hamster! Git it right!"

"Dad, he says he's not a hamster."

"No, he's a skirt wearing hamster." Dad chuckled.

"It's called a kilt you basterd!"

"He said it's called a kilt, and then he called the b-word."

Dad glared hatefully at Hedgie. Then Hedgie kissed his chin since that was the only place he could reach.

"What was that for?"

"Probably to keep outta trouble."

"C'mon just one?" cried Dere as he chased Hatred around the house, holding a stick with a mistletoe dangling on the end.

"No get away, I'm hungry!"

"After you're done eating?"

"We'll see." Hatred said as she dashed into the kitchen.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, Laika sweetie?"  
"Why is Bernie tryin ta kiss Hatred all da time?"

"Well, umm...I seriously don't know."

"Is it kinda like yer relationship with Daddy?"

"Huh?" Mom gave me a puzzled look of disbelief.

"Oh come on! You already told me you one wanted before!" Hatred said drunkenly after a few minutes.

She had drunk too much champagne.

"NO NOT ME! Burnmon!" Centauriamon yelped as Hatred walked over to her, trying to hug her.

"Oh, I thought you were Burnmon."

"No, he's in the living room."

"Oh, Bernie!" Hatred called as she walked into the living room.

Dere looked up at her curiously. "Huh?"

Without a word Hatred threw her arms around him and started smothering him with kisses, much to his delight.

"Ewwww!! Get a room!" I cried.

Hatred picked up Dere. "Gladly." she chirped, walking off towards the stairs.

"To answer your question, my love. No." Mom said.

"Mommy?"

"Yes?"

"I think that they're…they're…I ain't even gonna say it."

Mom gasped. "Sweetie! You'd better not be thinkin' what I think you're thinkin'!"

Hedgie, Kiari, and Dad all spoke at once. "Ewww!!" Kiari had a mouthful of brownies so hers was muffled.

Mother shook her head and turned to the oven to pull out another batch of brownies.

I picked up the limb that Dere had been holding and held it out to Dad. "Here Daddy. You can use it on Mommy."

"Huh? Why would I need that?"

"Because it twadition. And you know how Kiari is about twadition."

"Fine," Dad said, taking the stick from me. He walked into the kitchen and held it over Mom's head. "Here, Valamon."

"What…is…that?" Mom asked, looking at berries unenthusiastically.

"Well…." Dad started but I interrupted him.

"It's a berry. And you-you haveta kiss 'im 'cause yer both under da mistletoe."

"Uh-huh."

Kiari was pushing on Mom's legs while I was pushing on Dad's, trying to get them closer together.

"What're ya doin'?" Dad asked, looking down at me.

"Just shut up and kiss 'er!"

Mom folded her arms and glared at all three of us. "No," She took the stick from Dad. "You'd better hope these aren't poisonous, 'cause I'm stuffin' 'em down yer throat!" she growled, brandishing it at him.

Dad's face was the picture of misery. "Huh? But why?"

"Because!"

"Why?"

"Because!"

"Why?"

"Mommy, don't you love Daddy?"

"Yeah, it's not right ta have a kid if ya don't like ya spouse. Remember da wedding? And Sweetie getting' drunk from the rum cake and dancing around like a little id-"

"Shut up."

"Okay."

"See? I forgave her like snap!"

Mom shook her head and smacked her forehead. "Just leave the room."

"Why? You want some privacy for your 'big moment'?"

Dad and Mom glared down at me.

"No," Mom said. "You're just really annoying me. All of you OUT!"

"But, honey…." Daddy said pleadingly.

"OUT!"

Dad picked us up, one in each arm, and walked out of the room. "What did I do? Get her a nice present and she doesn't even wanna gimme a kiss! She's a complicated critter. What did I see in her?"

"Evil, softness, impurity, beauty, sorrow, the works. Oh yeah, and power. She's much stronger than you. She just gets mad easily; think she's on her period?" I asked Kiari.

"I don't think she gets one," Kiari said. "Wait, how do you know about periods, Sweetie?"

"My mommy talked ta me about 'em. What about you? You only gots a daddy."

"I started mine last week."

"Oh!"

Dad was very confused and slightly disturbed by our conversation. He sat on the couch, setting us on his lap. "What the hell you two talkin' about?"

"It a girl thang. You wouldn't understand if yer life depended on it."

"Probably."

"COOKIES!! When do we get cookies?" Hedgie asked hopefully.

"In a minute, that is, if Mom'll let us. You're too fat anyways."

"Hah! Yer a fat girly hamster!" Dad sniggered.

"I'm a freakin' hedgehog ya stupid giant!"

"Hedgie says he's not a hamster." I said, looking up at Daddy.

Dad shrugged. "So?"

"So quit callin' him one." I said simply.

"Hmph!" Dad shook his head. "Whatever."

"Don't whatever me mister!" I scolded, shaking a finger at him.

"Yes Mom." Dad said sarcastically, grinning.

"I'm getting Mom. Mom! He called me Mom!"

Mom walked in, a small smile on her lips and a fist on her hip. "Oh, you're in trouble now, Beelzemon."

"What?! I hate you guys! You're gangin' up on me!"

Feeling rather insulted, Kiari and I ran up to my room. We found Dere and Hatred sitting on the bed drinking champagne, Dere in his boxers and Hatred in her nightgown. Both were quite drunk.

"When I said get a room I didn't mean my room!" I said. "Oh well, back downstairs."

So we ran, tripped, and crashed down the stairs and fell flat on our faces.

"Well, you got over your depression real quick."

"We were depressed?" Kiari asked.

"Were you?" Dad asked Kiari quizzically.

"I guess so."

"Shut up both of ya." I said irratibly.

"That's enough. Looks like you two are sleeping in our room. Beelzemon, you can sleep down here on the couch." Mother said.

"What?!" Dad cried, leaping to his feet. "That ain't fair!"

"Yes it is."

"Why are being so mean ta me? First it's the crappy Christmas present, next ya don't wanna kiss me, now yer makin' me sleep down here! I don't think so."

Mom glared hatefully at Dad. "You don't like the Christmas present I got you?! FINE! You can sleep outside for the rest of the damn night!"

"Mommy, use your nice words." I scolded her.

"My nice words, huh? Alright then. You are a stupid moron who drinks too much! You haven't asked me if I wanted to do anything with you since our wedding! And that was 3 months ago! You inconsiderate bastard!" Mom screamed at Dad before stalking off to the kitchen.

Dad dropped down on the couch and buried his face in his hands. "I'm sorry." he said quietly.

"Uh-oh." Kiari said.

I walked into kitchen and over to Mom, who was sitting at the table with her head in her hands. "Mommy? You Ok?"

She ignored me, which I despise.

"Don't ignore me, answer my question!"

"Leave me be, Sweetie."

"I don't want to."

Mom looked down at me, tears trickling down her cheeks. She picked me up and hugged me tight. "Oh, Sweetie…."

"Forgive da man, Mommy. He's twyin'!"

"I know he is. It's just…."

"No justs! Git in there and forgive da man!"

"I guess yer right. I'd better go apologize."

Meanwhile Dad was hugging Kiari, who was trying to comfort him. "It Ok. Sweetie's in dere makin' Valemon come in here and apologize." she said, patting his chest.

"It doesn't matter what I do! She just yells at me! I'm just not good enough for her."

"Of course you are, sweetheart." Mom said as she walked into the room and over to the couch, holding me. She sat down beside Dad on the couch.

Dad looked away. "But yer always fightin' with me. We don't seem ta do much else."

"I know," Mom said sadly. "I'm so sorry."

Dad smiled thinly. "So am I." He hugged her, which squished me.

"I hate you, Kiari."

"I know, don't just love me?"

"Now, now girls eat your cookies and go to bed."

"Why?"

"So they can have their alone time." Kiari said with a giggle.

Mom and Dad blushed lightly. "Kiari!" they cried simultaneously.

"Uhh, time fer bed!" I said, hastily grabbing hold of Kiari and taking off towards the stairs.

Mom and Dad watched us as we climbed up the stairs before looking at each other, grinning.

Upstairs we bounced on the bed for about half an hour before we realized that we had forgotten our cookies. We traipsed down the stairs, tripping on them to fall face down on the floor. We jumped to our feet, screaming for cookies.

"COOKIES, COOKIES, COOKIES!! COOKIES-EWWWW!!!" we cried when we saw my parents on the couch making out.

"Well, I got what I wanted for Christmas." I said, looking at Kiari.

"What was that?"

"For everyone to be happy."

"I think everyone's a little too happy. Now come on. If we're real quiet we can get those cookies before anyone notices we came downstairs."

"Ok." I whispered. We went to the kitchen; Kiari climbed on the counter and tried to take the lid off.

"No!" I tried to whisper.

"What?" Kiari asked.

"The lid's rigged."

"What do mean?"

"The lid's meant to make noise when you open it."

"What do we do? If we open it yo parents will hear us!"

"We take the jar upstairs. Duh." So we carried the cookie jar upstairs (almost dropping it along the way) Once upstairs we found Hedgie in the Barbie pool in my room. Hatred and Dere were passed out on the bed so we could get him out to go back in my parents' room and sit on the bed.

We crammed cookies in our mouths until we got to the last cookie then we started fighting over it. Kiari and I ended up getting our heads stuck in the jar and Hedgie in the bottom of the jar.

"AHHH! We stuck!" Kiari cried, flailing her arms about.

"I'm stuck in da bottom!" Hedgie muttered.

"This sucks. Hedgie got the last cookie too."

"What's that noise?" Kiari asked suddenly.

"Huh? I can't hear anything." Suddenly I heard a chuckle and something scraping against the outside of the jar.

I was slightly frightened by the noise. Then the jar cracked open to reveal my dad looking down at us, a huge grin on his face.

"And what were you guys up ta?"

"Eatin' cookies. 'Cept we ran outta cookies. Can we have more?" Kiari asked sweetly.

Mother walked up beside Dad, tut-tutting us as she shook her head. "No. You didn't ask the first time."

"But you were making out with Daddy!" I explained unabashed.

Mom's eyes widened and she blushed deeply. Dad's grin faded slightly and a light blush crept to his pale cheeks.

"Uhhh, why don't we go to bed now?" Mom suggested quietly.

"Good idea." Dad agreed, picking up the pieces from the cookie jar and setting them on the table beside the bed.

"What about our cookies?" Hedgie asked.

"Hedgie said what about our cookies?" I translated since my parents were looking at Hedgie, puzzled.

"No." Mom said sternly.

"But-"

"Yer mom said no! Git ready fer bed."

"Yes lady."

"Yes, Mommy."

We got ready for bed and snuggled under the covers in the middle of the bed. Mom was on one side of us while Dad was on the other.

"Night, sweeties." Mom mumbled sleepily, closing her eyes.

"G'night you little monsters." Dad said, pulling the covers up over us.

"Well, at least we're only your monsters."

"Oh joy." Dad grumbled.

Mom was already sound asleep before we were.

And that was my first Christmas. Quite special isn't it? That's the way my family acts on a regular basis. Well, that's all for now my dear dumb diary.


End file.
